Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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