So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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