i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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