I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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