I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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