Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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