i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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