I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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