I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
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you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
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she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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