Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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