i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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