How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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