So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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