Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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