not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
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You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
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I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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