He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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