Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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