I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize