Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
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Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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