that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
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Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
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Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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