Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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