You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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