So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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