I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize