my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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