508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
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Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
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we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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