what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
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I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
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The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
you made out with another girl for some wings
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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