It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
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He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
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I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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