I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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