worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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