If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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