theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I am spending my child support on dildos
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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