I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
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It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
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We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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