Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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