Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
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Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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