if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
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she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
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I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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