Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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