I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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