Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
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