What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize