Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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