Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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