I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
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I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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