my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Randomize