the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
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Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
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Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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