Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
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Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
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It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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