Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
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There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
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As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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