god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Porn is love you can see.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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