I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
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