I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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